If I were to fill in the blanks about my life it would be something like this.
Everything so far has been _____.
Answer:
Disappointing
I don't know if I'm expecting too much, or I'm not doing enough.
Everytime it feels like something great is going to happen, only for it to come crashing down, feeling disappointment.
I remember telling myself,"Try to get 100 for every unit in Maths."
Despite all the effort, I ended up leaving a question blank in C2. But I thought to myself,"It's OK. After all, there's no harm retaking it, right? Hopefully I score full marks for the other 3 units." The next thing you. Bam! You realize that you've just forgotten to put the decimal point right after they invigilator says pens down for another paper. There goes 3 or 4 marks. Just like that. I don't know why this is happening. I thought that it's going to be the perfect chance to show all my relatives how well I can do and be among the top. After seeing all my cousins doing so well in any exam under the sun, it makes me wonder. What happened to me? One is going to graduate in NUS soon, very likely with first class honours. Yet another cousin has just completed her masters in York. Another one is going to end up in any ivy league right after his NS. My other cousin is graduating in May with a degree in economics in the US and probably entering grad school after that. And my cousin who I thought was about my level is now miles ahead of me in everything.
It's hard to see everyone getting praised by all the others. Sure, they just tell me to do my best and its okay. But I can feel the disappointment in everyone. "Why isn't he as good as his father?"
I loathe being born in a family full of smart and intelligent people. Everyone thinks I'm smart. If I am, then everyone else in my whole family is probably 10 times smarter than me. I guess I will never reach anyone's expectations.
At least I have God to turn to. God knows what would happen now if I didn't believe in Him.
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4 comments:
Hey buddy :)
YES you are expecting too much!! It doesn't really matter what others about us now, does it? God is very happy with the way you are right now! The fact that you are even among the smart ranks is already something to be very happy about!
If we always want to compare ourselves with the better, then the disappointment will never end! In life, there will ALWAYS be someone better then us no matter what. The key to being happy is to just be thankful for what you already have =)
And trust me, something great is NEVER going to happen! That's because all the great things are already happening, but if only we realised. The very fact that you are getting an education. Many would kill just to get one. Just.. be thankful for what you have and see how much God has already blessed you :)
And remember, we were not born to please MANKIND. we born to please God!
Just my two cents. Sorry if I said too much! Take care bro :)
Sweet pea! I just happened upon your blog and you my dear need to appreciate what you have! I barely got through grade school. & high school, well, I fell just beyond the 2% mark to get into University. But guess what? Two years later, after I spent the best year of my life in Whistler, B.C. Canada Skiing & "livin' the life" I came back home to finish University but due to a close friends death I quit and a few years later finished a college degree in one of my life loves... Interior / Architectural Design! You can do whatever you want, no matter what happens. Competing with your cousins has nothing to do with what you want or what you can do! Whatever you do....DO FOR YOU!!! With Passion, with Love and you will succeed!
Good Luck! Best to you!xoxo
i know that telling you to 'don't compare' and 'just be yourself' would be a waste of breath. so i'll just say, hang in there, ern wei. Pray and God will deliver. :)
ahaha. joel and joyce already said it. so... =P
i've found that comparing myself with others makes me proud. it either gives me a false sense of superiority, or a false sense of inferiority.
it's false because it makes me think i'm better than others, when it actually depends who i'm comparing myself with and what area i'm comparing myself in - for example i may be much better than someone at maths, but he can probably kick my ass in chess (i've never won a single chess game in my entire life. i've played with 10-year old cousins and lost...=P)
so, don't compare. know yourself, accept yourself, build yourself up with God's help, depend on God not yourself. and i know you'll do great things with Him! =)
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